#truelove #allowing #dating
A lot of us — okay most of us — are not Olympic gold medal bobsledders or figure skaters, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t bring our A game. Maybe you’re not an Olympic gold medal winner in the making. Maybe you are. You’ll never know you’re full potential unless you try your best and believe in yourself. It doesn’t have to be an actual Olympic medal you are going for. Maybe it’s a healthier lifestyle, dinner together with the family a few nights a week, starting that business you’ve been dreaming of or running your first 5K. Everyone’s gold medal is different.
A few years back our son, Malachi, who was about 6 years old at the time, was asked to compete on the sparring competition team at Tae Kwon Do. He was fairly new to the sport, much younger and less experienced than other team members. Seeing his potential, his coach invited him to be a part of the competition team. The coach explained to us and to Malachi that he would be competing against older, more experienced competitors. Being Malachi’s first competition, the coach’s hopes and expectations were to introduce and expose Malachi to the process to prepare him for upcoming competitions.
We were reluctant to let him join the team and participate in the competition. The coach assured us Malachi would not get hurt and could handle his own. Malachi was so excited that he was invited to join the competition team, especially since the team was all “the big kids.” Malachi begged and pleaded to let him be on the team and go to the competition. Malachi had only one concern and that was that the expectations were this was only to introduce and expose him to the competitions. Malachi could not understand why you would compete if you weren’t going for gold.
Competition day came and along with it came nerves, sweaty palms and racing hearts — ours, not Malachi’s. Malachi had trained, practiced and most importantly mentally prepared. He kept talking about his gold medal and how he was going to win. We never told Malachi he wouldn’t or couldn’t, only to do his best. We secretly prepared ourselves to deal with his disappointment. Malachi did not disappoint. GOLD! The little stinker won GOLD! He could not have been more proud and neither could we!
How did he do it? How did the youngest, least experience kid win the gold? He knew what he wanted. He worked hard. He prepared him self physically and mentally. He never doubted himself or heard anyone else doubt him. He saw and felt what it was like to have that gold medal and be the champion. In his mind, Malachi was the gold medal winner way before the competition started.
Can it be this easy? Yes! (but easy doesn’t mean there’s no hard work) Just think, if no one ever told you that you couldn’t do something wouldn’t you be less likely to doubt yourself — if you doubted yourself at all? Never ever ever be the one to doubt yourself. Never. Know what you want. Be willing to work hard. Be prepared physically and mentally. Believe in yourself. Believe! Believe you are a champion and you are a champion! Go for gold! You are a champion!
Sisters L to R: Mary, Jennifer, Mavis, Emily — September 2013.
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” — Lao Tzu
Last fall I flew to Carson City, N.V., to spend a long weekend with my sisters. I had seen each of them individually during my chemo and radiation last spring, but this was the first time we were all together since I was diagnosed with lung cancer.
When my husband Harlan and I first started dating, he found it challenging to understand the construct of my family. I have one brother, that was clear, but sometimes I referred to my (one) sister, and just as often I talked about my (three) sisters.
After my parents divorced my dad married Judith. Her two daughters, Emily and Mary, became stepsisters to Mavis, Lawrence and me. But we’ve all been a family since 1977, so really they are my sisters.
My sisters are just the first step.
I am a stepdaughter, stepsister, and now a stepmother. To my way of thinking, the more steps in a house, the more interesting the home.
Susan Wisdom, stepfamily therapist and author of StepCoupling, observes, “Combining families is challenging under any circumstance and many families struggle for years to find cohesion.”
We had our period of adjustment. We were five kids coming from two broken marriages, mending through blending. There were some bumpy patches in the ’70s, because we had a house full of teenagers, and because it was the ’70s. But we started with baby steps and in time we found our stride. After all, home wasn’t built in a day.
L to R: Emily (16), Mavis (12), Mary (14), Jennifer (14), Lawrence (12) — 1977 at the wedding of my dad and Judith.
Though I lived with my mother in Connecticut while my stepsisters lived with Dad and Judith in California, it’s a testament to all of my parents that I never felt jealous or overlooked in any way. I knew I was loved coast to coast.
My own wonderful stepparents gave me a road map for how to walk the line between influencer, confidante, disciplinarian and friend. Watching my sisters learn to parent and being Aunt Jen to all of their kids and stepkids was excellent training for my current role as stepmom.
We four sisters are geographically dispersed now, but I talk to one or the other almost daily. When I got cancer my sisters stepped up, each one coming to visit, driving me to chemo, cleaning my kitchen, watching movies with me, and making me laugh over a glass of wine. Blood may be thicker than water, but sometimes a good cabernet is the tie that binds.
Throughout my life, having a solid stepladder has steadied me and helped me to reach higher. At first I might have tread lightly, but now my footing is firm. I just take it one step at a time.
This column originally appeared on parade.com. For more by Jennifer Glass, click here. “Like” Jennifer’s Facebook page here. See her Fear.Less. video here.
We all know that love is important, yet we often don’t spend time thinking about why we should and how we can bring more love into our lives. In fact, it is love — and all of its inherent qualities — that can help us lead even more extraordinary, meaningful, and successful lives.
So how can we increase the quantity, quality, and depth of love in our lives?
First, reflect on the questions below to assess the quality and vibrancy of the connections in your life:
1. What does love feel like to me?
2. How do I most like to receive love?
3. Are my connections enhancing my life?
4. What do really loving people act like? Why do I feel great around them?
5. Am I thoughtful about how I proactively connect to people?
6. Am I mindful about how I connect with myself? Am I treating myself lovingly?
Now take action to increase the love in your life:
1. ADMIT boldly that you want more connection than you have now: Are you living in denial about the amount of love you have consistently in your life? Are you showing up in your relationships?
2. AWAKEN to the skills you need to develop: Do you recognize that connecting authentically takes skills? Do you have a model in mind of a person you think radiates the kind of love you want to emulate?
3. ACTIVATE it daily: Make it a habit to ask yourself what processes you need to practice in order to show up as a loving person each day. Are you giving it, and receiving it?
4. AUTOMATICALLY “be” love: At this stage, you have integrated skills so deeply into your core that you don’t need to think as consciously about it. You may need continued practice, but are emanating the energy that is love.
Why We Do What We Do: Love and Fear
If one digs deeper into the roots of why people do what they do, the underlying drive is always linked to two primary emotions: fear and love. Using that basic truth, we can create some simple assumptions to direct our lives in more positive, loving ways. If we focus specifically on generating more love in our life, we are on the right path to creating a more fulfilling life. We are able to generate more positive emotion, and with that, increase the likelihood of generating more positive outcomes.
Love and Connection: Keys to a Meaningful Life
In my work as a therapist, I’ve learned the undeniable truth that connection and love is paramount to all other traits and behaviors for those looking to live a more meaningful life. I never walk away fearing the human capacity for resilience and growth as long as I know they are positively connected with others. If an individual has one or two reliable people they can count on, I know they will work through the hard times. The consistency and accountability of outside support is, in fact, the most significant pillar to flourishing.
Many people choose to live with psychological skin so thickened that loving becomes impossible. Certainly, protecting oneself with defense mechanisms is a universal way to avoid facing uncomfortable and stressful experiences. However, nearly everyone I have worked with will tell you that in some way their defense mechanisms have reached the point of diminishing returns. Deep fears of rejection and insecurity can unstoppably seem to creep to the surface of life
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Resolve to Enter the Feedback Loop of Love
There’s a simple solution to removing harmful insecurities, increasing the ability for one to not only survive, but to thrive: love more and love deeper. To love is the most consequential act of giving, and cultivating. The feedback loop of love generates energy in an organic, invigorating and continuous way. If you persistently give love, you inevitably create love and therefore you become empowered to change yourself and the world we live in.
Share how you are going to show gratitude and love TODAY.
Allowing true love. Books and Subliminal Audios 