#truelove #allowing #dating
The key is remembering that you are the creator of your own life, and you get to decide exactly how you’re going to feel about whatever situation you find yourself in.
So how can you find your bliss in the busy-ness of your never-ending to-do list? Start with these five steps:
1) Decide to let go of yesterday, last week and last year. When you let go of the past and instead focus on how and what you can do today to make it count toward your dream life, you’re in the driver’s seat of making it happen.
2) Say “yes!” from the moment your eyes open each morning. The following is a simple daily habit for feeling good now: From the moment you wake up in the morning, start saying the word “YES!” and keep repeating the word yes! and thinking yes! and feeling yes! What does yes feel like in your heart, in your hands, in your brain, what does it feel like in your gut? And as you get out of bed, jump up in the air and say YES! to your life and yourself. Look in the mirror and continue saying that magical word and the more you say it, the higher your vibration will skyrocket — guaranteed.
3) Always reach for the better-feeling thought. In order to deliberately create the life you want, one that feels full of ease and joy, you need to be deliberately guiding your thoughts in good-feeling directions.
4) Surround yourself with upbeat positive people and let go of those who drain you. Jim Rohn, motivational speaker, hit the nail on the head with his quote: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” We tend to subconsciously calibrate ourselves to the energy of those who we are around most — regardless of whether they are a good influence or not, so become a more deliberator creator by choosing to spend time with people who match the vibration you’re wanting.
5) It’s not about doing everything perfectly but about infusing as much joy as possible into everything you do. Yes, that includes bill-paying or going to the dentist! Try it — the next time you have bills to pay, put on your favorite music and allow yourself to feel gratitude. Not only for the things you’re paying for and all that you can do with them, but also for the fact that you can actually afford to pay your own bills.
GPS Guides are our way of showing you what has relieved others’ stress in the hopes that you will be able to identify solutions that work for you. We all have de-stressing “secret weapons” that we pull out in times of tension or anxiety, whether they be photos that relax us or make us smile, songs that bring us back to our heart, quotes or poems that create a feeling of harmony, or meditative exercises that help us find a sense of silence and calm. We encourage you to look at the GPS Guide below, visit our other GPS Guides here, and share with us your own personal tips for finding peace, balance and tranquility.
When we get caught up in the chaos of our daily schedules, it doesn’t take much for us to get overly stressed about each little thing that goes wrong. It’s in our nature to sweat the small stuff — especially when nothing seems to be working in your favor. But what if instead of obsessing over everything that’s going wrong in our day, we focus on what’s right?
Taking the time to pause and appreciate everything you’re thankful for has been proven to boost your happiness. Check out the 10 animals below who remind us what it means to stop and smell the roses (and give yourself a little cuteness break in the middle of your overwhelming day). Remember: Gratitude is a powerful thing.
For more GPS Guides, click here.
–Posted by Lindsay Holmes
When Dr. Maltz would perform an operation — like a nose job, for example — he found that it would take the patient about 21 days to get used to seeing their new face. Similarly, when a patient had an arm or a leg amputated, Maltz noticed that the patient would sense a phantom limb for about 21 days before adjusting to the new situation.
These experiences prompted Maltz to think about his own adjustment period to changes and new behaviors, and he noticed that it also took himself about 21 days to form a new habit. Maltz wrote about these experiences and said, “These, and many other commonly observed phenomena tend to show that it requires a minimum of about 21 days for an old mental image to dissolve and a new one to jell.”
In 1960, Maltz published that quote and his other thoughts on behavior change in a book called Psycho-Cybernetics. The book went on to become an blockbuster hit, selling more than 30 million copies.
And that’s when the problem started.
You see, in the decades that followed, Maltz’s work influenced nearly every major “self-help” professional from Zig Ziglar to Brian Tracy to Tony Robbins. And as more people recited Maltz’s story — like a very long game of “Telephone” — people began to forget that he said “a minimum of about 21 days” and shortened it to: “It takes 21 days to form a new habit.”
And that’s how society started spreading the common myth that it takes 21 days to form a new habit (or 30 days or some other magic number). It’s remarkable how often these timelines are quoted as statistical facts. Dangerous lesson: If enough people say something enough times, then everyone else starts to believe it.
It makes sense why the “21 Days” myth would spread. It’s easy to understand. The time frame is short enough to be inspiring, but long enough to be believable. And who wouldn’t like the idea of changing your life in just three weeks?
But the problem is that Maltz was simply observing what was going on around him and wasn’t making a statement of fact. Furthermore, he made sure to say that this was the minimum amount of time needed to adapt to a new change.
So what’s the real answer? How long does it actually take to form a new habit? Is there any science to back this up? And what does all of this mean for you and me?
How Long it Really Takes to Build a New Habit
Phillippa Lally is a health psychology researcher at University College London. In a study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, Lally and her research team decided to figure out just how long it actually takes to form a habit.
The study examined the habits of 96 people over a 12-week period. Each person chose one new habit for the 12 weeks and reported each day on whether or not they did the behavior and how automatic the behavior felt.
Some people chose simple habits like “drinking a bottle of water with lunch.” Others chose more difficult tasks like “running for 15 minutes before dinner.” At the end of the 12 weeks, the researchers analyzed the data to determine how long it took each person to go from starting a new behavior to automatically doing it.
The answer?
On average, it takes more than two months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances. In Lally’s study, it took anywhere from 18 days to 254 days for people to form a new habit. [1]
In other words, if you want to set your expectations appropriately, the truth is that it will probably take you anywhere from two months to eight months to build a new behavior into your life — not 21 days.
Interestingly, the researchers also found that “missing one opportunity to perform the behavior did not materially affect the habit formation process.” In other words, it doesn’t matter if you mess up every now and then. Building better habits is not an all-or-nothing process.
Finding Inspiration in the Long Road
Before you let this dishearten you, let’s talk about three reasons why this research is actually inspiring.
First, there is no reason to get down on yourself if you try something for a few weeks and it doesn’t become a habit. It’s supposed to take longer than that! There is no need to judge yourself if you can’t master a behavior in 21 short days. Learn to love your “10 Years of Silence.” Embrace the long, slow walk to greatness and focus on putting in your reps.
Second, you don’t have to be perfect. Making a mistake once or twice has no measurable impact on your long-term habits. This is why you should treat failure like a scientist, give yourself permission to make mistakes, and develop strategies for getting back on track quickly.
And third, embracing longer timelines can help us realize that habits are a process and not an event. All of the “21 Days” hype can make it really easy to think, “Oh, I’ll just do this and it’ll be done.” But habits never work that way. You have to embrace the process. You have to commit to the system.
Understanding this from the beginning makes it easier to manage your expectations and commit to making small, incremental improvements — rather than pressuring yourself into thinking that you have to do it all at once.
Where to Go From Here
At the end of the day, how long it takes to form a particular habit doesn’t really matter that much. Whether it takes 50 days or 500 days, you have to put in the work either way.
The only way to get to Day 500 is to start with Day 1. So forget about the number and focus on doing the work.
Notes
Even though the study only ran for 12 weeks, the researchers were able to use the data to estimate the longer timelines (like 254 days) to form habits. Again, the exact time depends on a variety of factors and isn’t nearly as important as the overall message: Habits can take a long time to form.
James Clear writes at JamesClear.com, where he shares strategies that make it easier to live a healthy life – both mentally and physically. For fresh ideas on how to boost your productivity, improve your health, and master your habits, join his free newsletter.
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