Do You Believe These Lies About Yourself?

#truelove #allowing #dating

GPS for the Soul – The Huffington Post
Do You Believe These Lies About Yourself?
When we’re caught in the dieting and body-hating trap, we choose to believe all kinds of weird stuff about ourselves.

Every day, we tell ourselves “truths” we picked up as children, in high school, from partners (who we should’ve never been with) and, of course, from the media. We beat ourselves up, hurt ourselves so much but are simply unable to stop — because we’re scared, because we’re insecure, because we don’t even realize we could change.

Today, I want to bust a few of those lies for good and help you gain a little bit of freedom to be who you truly are.

Let’s go.

“I am worthless.”

Everything that is going wrong in my life has to do with the fact that I am simply worthless. Something about me is not right and this will never change. Only my diet can rescue me from this place of inferiority.

Here’s the truth: You are not worthless. Nobody is worthless. We are all born the same and we are all worthy of love, affection, health, fulfillment, joy, happiness and so much more.

“I am ugly.”

My face will always be too round, my butt will always hang, my nose is too big, my hair is not thick enough, my ears are too small and even my toes are too long. I am as ugly as it gets.

No you are not. You are beautiful, you are unique, you are exactly the way you are supposed to be. Your diet-focused mind will always come up with new body parts to hate.

However, if you focus on the parts of your body that you like (or used to like), you will begin to think positive again and you will be able to accept and embrace your body in its current form.

“I don’t deserve to be like everybody else.”

I don’t deserve to be happy, I don’t deserve to have lunch with my friends, I don’t deserve to eat a slice of pizza just because I want to, I don’t deserve to eat dinner with my family like everybody else.

Yes, you do. You deserve to live a happy and fulfilled life, enjoying each and every moment. You deserve to eat like your friends and family.

You deserve to enjoy some French fries, ice cream or even just an apple. You deserve to be part of this world.

“I am unworthy of love.”

And who would me you anyway?

This is so wrong, but I believed this lie the most.

We have already said that every person is worthy and so are you. You too, are lovable, compassionate, have a lot to give and are allowed to receive bundles of love.

“I can only hide my flaws by holding on to my diets.”

I have already defined that I am unworthy, so it only makes sense that I need to diet for life to hide my many flaws.

Every person has flaws. Nobody is perfect and, quite frankly, who wants to be? Flaws and imperfections make you special, they make you unique and interesting. Flaws shape your character. You don’t need to hide them, you need to embrace them.

Otherwise, life would be quite boring, don’t you think?

“Others judge me only by my weight.”

When a person sees me for the very first time, they look at my figure, calculate how much I must weigh and then define my worth as a person.

They don’t care about my wittiness, my smile, my character, my brilliance, my sympathy, my emotions, my empathy or my humor. People are super superficial, after all.

I think I said enough.

“If I give in now and stop my diet, I will forever lose control.”

If I give in today and eat at least a tiny bit of something I truly want, I will lose control and then I won’t ever be able to stop eating, right?

No, surprisingly not. The more regular you eat, the more nutrients you give your body, the more control you will gain over your health and life.

Those are just a few of my favorite lies. Do these sound familiar to you? What other lies do you tell yourself?

If you want to, you can take a few moments (or hours) to write down all the negative beliefs you have about yourself and then write at least one myth buster for every lie you’ve written down. You’ll see that most of your lies are far from containing a single nugget of truth.

Is Gratitude a Tool for Patience?
Recovering alcoholics who find their way into the rooms of AA are told to expect dramatic changes in attitude and outlook. Their feelings of uselessness and self-pity will disappear, they are told, as will their interest in selfish things. They will become more intuitive about life, and experience serenity and peace. Their haunting fears will diminish. They will experience a new kind of freedom.

These are known as the “promises” of AA, and they are a cornerstone of 12-step recovery. But there is no timetable given. Indeed, alcoholics are told only that these results will materialize “sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly,” and only with painstaking work. In other words, the promises require patience.

And there’s the rub. Patience is not a virtue that most addicts are famous for. In fact, addiction by definition is an inability to delay gratification, to tamp down immediate appetites for greater rewards later on — rewards like happiness and peace. Addicts share this pathological impatience with lots of other risk takers, but theirs has some of the saddest outcomes.

Psychological scientists are very interested in human impatience, and with its connection to emotion. It’s known, for example, that sadness can make us even more impatient than we are normally. When we are depressed, we tend to make decisions that devalue future promises in favor of the here and now. That’s why many alcoholics relapse early on. New sobriety can bring with it an intense sense of loss, which makes it very hard to choose abstract promises over that bottle of whiskey right over there.

But what about other emotions? If sadness exacerbates impatience, is it possible that positive emotions might diminish it? That is the question that David DeSteno of Northeastern University has been exploring in his laboratory. He and his colleagues-Jennifer Lerner of Harvard, Ye Li of University of California, Riverside, and Leah Dickens of Northeastern-had reason to doubt that happiness in general would have this effect, because happiness has no obvious connection to judgments and rewards. But they wondered if gratitude might. After all, gratitude is a discrete social emotion linked to cooperation and altruism, and as such might be instrumental in reinforcing a future perspective. They decided to compare gratitude and global happiness, to see if either one boosts patience.

To do so, they asked volunteers to recall and write about past events. Some wrote about events that made them feel grateful and appreciative, while others wrote about events that made them happy or content. Still others, the controls, wrote about a typical day. Then they all made a series of choices — choosing a certain amount of cash immediately versus a greater amount later on. The amounts and the delay varied from choice to choice, so that the scientists were able to assess each volunteer’s overall level of patience.

The findings, reported in an article that will appear in the journal Psychological Science, were very clear. The grateful volunteers were much less likely to take a small amount of money now — and more likely to wait for the promised future bonus. In other words, they showed much more patience than did either the happy volunteers or the controls, who didn’t differ from one another. What’s more, the intensity of gratitude directly predicted the volunteers’ increasing levels of patience.

These results have profound implications. But this may be an instance of the recovery literature running ahead of the science. It’s well known, in AA and other recovery programs, that willpower is an unreliable tool for abstinence. Effortful self-regulation can and does fail us, and such failures can leave us vulnerable to impatient decision making — including picking up a drink. A better alternative can be seen in another practice well known in the rooms of recovery — the gratitude list. Daily reflections on all that we have to be grateful for — this exercise may be the most effortless and effective way to inoculate ourselves against the pernicious consequences of impatience.

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