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But what if your beliefs are lies?
What if you can let go of outdated thinking that no longer applies to your life? What if you start to question everything you were told by parents, grandparents, teachers, aunts and uncles and other well-meaning people who had a hand in making you are the person you are today?
You may not want to disappoint those closest to you, but when you don’t change, you keep doing the same thing over and over, perhaps expecting a different result. Albert Einstein referred to this as the definition of insanity. You’re not insane, are you?
Below is a list of conscious or unconscious beliefs that you could have and may want to take a look sooner rather than later.
10 Beliefs That Keep You Stuck in Life
1. You believe that you have to be perfect.
If your mom or dad (or both) were perfectionists, you may have heard the phrase, “If it’s not perfect, it’s not right.” The problem with this is that no one is perfect. No matter how hard you try, you won’t always get it right. It’s better to let the go of the belief that you must be perfect every time. Why? Because high expectations can kill your spirit. How? By making you frustrated and maybe even depressed. Free yourself from the need to be perfect. It will add years to your life.
2. You believe that you have to please everyone.
You can’t and won’t please everyone. The fact is that some people are happy being miserable. If you continue to go out of your way for others, it won’t work. You won’t receive credit or any acknowledgement or gratitude for whatever it is you’ve done. You’ll only receive a giant headache. Do your best, but don’t for a second believe that you must please the people in your life. The only person you can please is you.
3. You believe that you can’t pursue your dreams.
When you were little, what was your biggest dream? Was it to be a chef? How about an actor or actress? You may have been told you that you shouldn’t pursue your dreams. Why? Dreams keep your life moving forward. No one says that you have to quit your job today, pack up your car and move to Hollywood. Of course, if this is your prerogative then go for it. Rekindle your dreams through journaling. Think about what you wanted to become when you were little. Daydream and let your mind wander free. Your dreams may be closer to reality than you think.
4. You believe that you have to stay in a career you don’t like.
It’s a possibility for you to have several careers in your life. If you don’t like your job, at least be thankful for the income it’s providing you and your family. Instead of complaining about it, figure out what you want to do. Make a list of everything that interests you and narrow it down to the top five career choices. You can pursue another career on the side. But don’t tell anyone about it.
5. You believe that you have to spend time with people who aren’t healthy for you.
It’s true that family and friends could be toxic for you. Even though you try to have a positive outlook and see past their flaws (everyone has them), they could be sucking the life out of you. These people are known as energy or emotional vampires, and you don’t have to spend time with them. You can love people from a distance, maybe even get a new set of friends. Have compassion for them and whatever it is they’re experiencing. When it comes to co-workers, bosses and other non-family members, know that they may be going through harsh life changes. Send them positive vibes and don’t hang around them for too long.
6. You believe that you have to be everything to everyone.
You can’t be everything to everyone. If you did this, you would collapse. Instead, meet people where they’re at and do your best. Help them whenever you can, but don’t get sucked into doing it all of the time. Remember, you don’t have to be a people pleaser. You can say, “No, I can’t (fill in the blank).” It’s your life and you have every right to speak up for it.
7. You believe that you have to get a college education to be successful.
If you’re not interested in college, don’t waste your money. If you weren’t interested in college but attended anyway, why? Was it because you were told to do so? Or were you trying to “please” your parents? College is not for everyone. You can make a decent living, if you have a plan. For example, maybe you’re interested in construction. You could enroll in an electrical apprenticeship, get your journeyman’s card and start your own business or work for a company. Electricians make a great living. And who’s to say that you won’t attend college and take some business courses. Do what’s best for you and not what others think is best for you.
8. You believe that you can’t own your own business.
Yes, you can own your own business, but it takes time, money and perseverance. You can’t throw in the towel after three months. What you could do is hire and work with a business coach or mentor who can help you write a business plan and blueprint. He or she can also help you determine your target market and marketing strategy. Working for yourself and building a successful business that you can either franchise, leave to your kids or sell, is not only a great financial investment, but rewarding too.
9. You believe that you have to follow the crowd.
You don’t have to follow the crowd. It’s an illusion. For example, if plaids are in style, you don’t have to wear them. If your friends smoke, you don’t have to do the same. It’s up to you to make the right choices for you and your life. And before you make those choices, think of the consequences, or what spiritual teachers refer to as the law of cause and effect. For every cause there’s an effect, for every action there’s a reaction. The next time someone says to you, “You must or should (fill in the blank),” know that you have the right to reject or accept their suggestions.
10. You believe that you have to be liked by everyone.
I’d like to share a secret with you. Not everyone will like you, so get over it. You can be the nicest and friendliest person on the planet but that doesn’t guarantee that people will like you. It is what it is. Instead of analyzing why this or that person doesn’t speak with you or treat you kindly, wish them the best and walk away. Besides, why would you want to hang out with those who don’t want to be around you? It’s their loss anyway. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. And who knows? Maybe the ones who didn’t like you last year, will see your greatness. Whether or not you invite them in is up to you.
Create a New Belief System
You can get rid of your current belief system, if it makes you uncomfortable or isn’t serving you. I did. What I believed growing up no longer was true for me today as an adult. What I believed two years ago doesn’t work for me, either. I tossed out old beliefs and so can you. Join groups and speak to others who are on a life changing path. Read books from leading personal development and spiritual experts and create your own belief system. Do this and you will move forward in life.
Neuroscience paints a complicated picture of creativity. As scientists now understand it, creativity is far more complex than the right-left brain distinction would have us think (the theory being that left brain = rational and analytical, right brain = creative and emotional). In fact, creativity is thought to involve a number of cognitive processes, neural pathways and emotions, and we still don’t have the full picture of how the imaginative mind works.
And psychologically speaking, creative personality types are difficult to pin down, largely because they’re complex, paradoxical and tend to avoid habit or routine. And it’s not just a stereotype of the “tortured artist” — artists really may be more complicated people. Research has suggested that creativity involves the coming together of a multitude of traits, behaviors and social influences
“It’s actually hard for creative people to know themselves because the creative self is more complex than the non-creative self,” Scott Barry Kaufman, a psychologist at New York University who has spent years researching creativity, told The Huffington Post. “The things that stand out the most are the paradoxes of the creative self … Imaginative people have messier minds.”
While there’s no “typical” creative type, there are some tell-tale characteristics and behaviors of highly creative people. Here are 18 things they do differently.
They daydream.
Creative types know, despite what their third-grade teachers may have said, that daydreaming is anything but a waste of time.
According to Kaufman and psychologist Rebecca L. McMillan, who co-authored a paper titled “Ode To Positive Constructive Daydreaming,” mind-wandering can aid in the process of “creative incubation.” And of course, many of us know from experience that our best ideas come seemingly out of the blue when our minds are elsewhere.
Although daydreaming may seem mindless, a 2012 study suggested it could actually involve a highly engaged brain state — daydreaming can lead to sudden connections and insights because it’s related to our ability to recall information in the face of distractions. Neuroscientists have also found that daydreaming involves the same brain processes associated with imagination and creativity.
They observe everything.
The world is a creative person’s oyster — they see possibilities everywhere and are constantly taking in information that becomes fodder for creative expression. As Henry James is widely quoted, a writer is someone on whom “nothing is lost.”
The writer Joan Didion kept a notebook with her at all times, and said that she wrote down observations about people and events as, ultimately, a way to better understand the complexities and contradictions of her own mind:
“However dutifully we record what we see around us, the common denominator of all we see is always, transparently, shamelessly, the implacable ‘I,'” Didion wrote in her essay On Keeping A Notebook. “We are talking about something private, about bits of the mind’s string too short to use, an indiscriminate and erratic assemblage with meaning only for its marker.”
They work the hours that work for them.
Many great artists have said that they do their best work either very early in the morning or late at night. Vladimir Nabokov started writing immediately after he work up at 6 or 7 a.m., and Frank Lloyd Wright made a practice of waking up at 3 or 4 a.m. and working for several hours before heading back to bed. No matter when it is, individuals with high creative output will often figure out what time it is that their minds start firing up, and structure their days accordingly.
They take time for solitude.
“In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude. One must overcome the fear of being alone,” wrote the American existential psychologist Rollo May.
Artists and creatives are often stereotyped as being loners, and while this may not actually be the case, solitude can be the key to producing their best work. For Kaufman, this links back to daydreaming — we need to give ourselves the time alone to simply allow our minds to wander.
“You need to get in touch with that inner monologue to be able to express it,” he says. “It’s hard to find that inner creative voice if you’re … not getting in touch with yourself and reflecting on yourself.”
They turn life’s obstacles around.
Many of the most iconic stories and songs of all time have been inspired by gut-wrenching pain and heartbreak — and the silver lining of these challenges is that they may have been the catalyst to create great art. An emerging field of psychology called post-traumatic growth is suggesting that many people are able to use their hardships and early-life trauma for substantial creative growth. Specifically, researchers have found that trauma can help people to grow in the areas of interpersonal relationships, spirituality, appreciation of life, personal strength, and — most importantly for creativity — seeing new possibilities in life.
“A lot of people are able to use that as the fuel they need to come up with a different perspective on reality,” says Kaufman. “What’s happened is that their view of the world as a safe place, or as a certain type of place, has been shattered at some point in their life, causing them to go on the periphery and see things in a new, fresh light, and that’s very conducive to creativity.”
They seek out new experiences.
Creative people love to expose themselves to new experiences, sensations and states of mind — and this openness is a significant predictor of creative output.
“Openness to experience is consistently the strongest predictor of creative achievement,” says Kaufman. “This consists of lots of different facets, but they’re all related to each other: Intellectual curiosity, thrill seeking, openness to your emotions, openness to fantasy. The thing that brings them all together is a drive for cognitive and behavioral exploration of the world, your inner world and your outer world.”
They “fail up.”
Resilience is practically a prerequisite for creative success, says Kaufman. Doing creative work is often described as a process of failing repeatedly until you find something that sticks, and creatives — at least the successful ones — learn not to take failure so personally.
“Creatives fail and the really good ones fail often,” Forbes contributor Steven Kotler wrote in a piece on Einstein’s creative genius.
They ask the big questions.
Creative people are insatiably curious — they generally opt to live the examined life, and even as they get older, maintain a sense of curiosity about life. Whether through intense conversation or solitary mind-wandering, creatives look at the world around them and want to know why, and how, it is the way it is.
They people-watch.
Observant by nature and curious about the lives of others, creative types often love to people-watch — and they may generate some of their best ideas from it.
“[Marcel] Proust spent almost his whole life people-watching, and he wrote down his observations, and it eventually came out in his books,” says Kaufman. “For a lot of writers, people-watching is very important … They’re keen observers of human nature.”
They take risks.
Part of doing creative work is taking risks, and many creative types thrive off of taking risks in various aspects of their lives.
“There is a deep and meaningful connection between risk taking and creativity and it’s one that’s often overlooked,” contributor Steven Kotler wrote in Forbes. “Creativity is the act of making something from nothing. It requires making public those bets first placed by imagination. This is not a job for the timid. Time wasted, reputation tarnished, money not well spent — these are all by-products of creativity gone awry.”
They view all of life as an opportunity for self-expression.
Nietzsche believed that one’s life and the world should be viewed as a work of art. Creative types may be more likely to see the world this way, and to constantly seek opportunities for self-expression in everyday life.
“Creative expression is self-expression,” says Kaufman. “Creativity is nothing more than an individual expression of your needs, desires and uniqueness.”
They follow their true passions.
Creative people tend to be intrinsically motivated — meaning that they’re motivated to act from some internal desire, rather than a desire for external reward or recognition. Psychologists have shown that creative people are energized by challenging activities, a sign of intrinsic motivation, and the research suggests that simply thinking of intrinsic reasons to perform an activity may be enough to boost creativity.
“Eminent creators choose and become passionately involved in challenging, risky problems that provide a powerful sense of power from the ability to use their talents,” write M.A. Collins and T.M. Amabile in The Handbook of Creativity.
They get out of their own heads.
Kaufman argues that another purpose of daydreaming is to help us to get out of our own limited perspective and explore other ways of thinking, which can be an important asset to creative work.
“Daydreaming has evolved to allow us to let go of the present,” says Kaufman. “The same brain network associated with daydreaming is the brain network associated with theory of mind — I like calling it the ‘imagination brain network’ — it allows you to imagine your future self, but it also allows you to imagine what someone else is thinking.”
Research has also suggested that inducing “psychological distance” — that is, taking another person’s perspective or thinking about a question as if it was unreal or unfamiliar — can boost creative thinking.
They lose track of the time.
Creative types may find that when they’re writing, dancing, painting or expressing themselves in another way, they get “in the zone,” or what’s known as a flow state, which can help them to create at their highest level. Flow is a mental state when an individual transcends conscious thought to reach a heightened state of effortless concentration and calmness. When someone is in this state, they’re practically immune to any internal or external pressures and distractions that could hinder their performance.
You get into the flow state when you’re performing an activity you enjoy that you’re good at, but that also challenges you — as any good creative project does.
“[Creative people] have found the thing they love, but they’ve also built up the skill in it to be able to get into the flow state,” says Kaufman. “The flow state requires a match between your skill set and the task or activity you’re engaging in.”
They surround themselves with beauty.
Creatives tend to have excellent taste, and as a result, they enjoy being surrounded by beauty.
A study recently published in the journal Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts showed that musicians — including orchestra musicians, music teachers, and soloists — exhibit a high sensitivity and responsiveness to artistic beauty.
They connect the dots.
If there’s one thing that distinguishes highly creative people from others, it’s the ability to see possibilities where other don’t — or, in other words, vision. Many great artists and writers have said that creativity is simply the ability to connect the dots that others might never think to connect.
In the words of Steve Jobs:
“Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things.”
They constantly shake things up.
Diversity of experience, more than anything else, is critical to creativity, says Kaufman. Creatives like to shake things up, experience new things, and avoid anything that makes life more monotonous or mundane.
“Creative people have more diversity of experiences, and habit is the killer of diversity of experience,” says Kaufman.
They make time for mindfulness.
Creative types understand the value of a clear and focused mind — because their work depends on it. Many artists, entrepreneurs, writers and other creative workers, such as David Lynch, have turned to meditation as a tool for tapping into their most creative state of mind.
And science backs up the idea that mindfulness really can boost your brain power in a number of ways. A 2012 Dutch study suggested that certain meditation techniques can promote creative thinking. And mindfulness practices have been linked with improved memory and focus, better emotional well-being, reduced stress and anxiety, and improved mental clarity — all of which can lead to better creative thought.
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