Healing Vigilante: 7 Ways to Own and Trust in the Crap

#truelove #allowing #dating

GPS for the Soul – The Huffington Post
Healing Vigilante: 7 Ways to Own and Trust in the Crap
There are several underground therapeutic terms that circulate in the counseling biz. “CRAP” is one of them. It represents your issues, challenges, unresolved conflict, and unfinished business that tend to interfere with having a good day and a fulfilling life. It can show up as insecurity, fear, anger, addiction, jealousy, conflict, depression, body issues, trust issues, anxiety, and much, much more.

But it all filters down appropriately into one very scientific and professional term: CRAP.

“You’re crap is getting in your way.”
“Aren’t you tired of being stuck in the crap?”
“You are taking on other people’s crap.”

These are common phrases that have come out of my mouth. There are two primary types of personal crap: (a) that you are experiencing in that moment, and (b) that is leftover from your past. Regardless of what type of crap you are in, the healthiest thing you can do is own and trust in it. When you take accountability, and trust the crap is there to help you grow, that is when the magic happens. Here are seven ways to do that:

1. Admit you have crap. The first step in persevering and growing from your crap is to know you are in it, or that you have it. Without the accountability or awareness, you will usually project and blame others for it, and most likely push them away. Or you will walk away from many interactions feeling regretful or unsatisfied.

2. Get to know your crap in two ways:

(a) In the crappy moment. What does it look and feel like when you are in your crap? In your body? What are you feeling? What are the thoughts that come up? Really get to know your “crappy movie” so that when it starts to play, you know to do Step 4. Write it down.

(b) In your overall life. Look for the patterns/common threads in your history that have been crappy. Have you consistently sabotaged jobs, friendships, or relationships? Do you have trust issues? Past trauma? Are you a blamer? Do you doubt yourself constantly? Are you a worry wombat? Do you shut down? Do you keep your feelings inside? When you want to cry do you bust a vein trying to keep it inside? Are you given nicknames like “Negative Norm?” or “The Ice Queen”? What would each of your exes say was the one thing about you they did not like? Write it down.

3. Don’t be a victim of your crap. Look your crap in the eye and say, “I see you, and I’m going to thrive from you!” or “I’m going to chew you up and spit you out!” (okay maybe not that one). Make a choice to change what you do not want and accept that it may be challenging. Changing old patterns can be tough, so take some time to give yourself lots of patience and compassion (like you would a child). And keep going, even when you feel like giving up (remember Step 7).

4. Learn how to take care of your crap internally. Do something other than nothing. FYI: “biting the bullet” is not considered a therapeutic method. The moment you notice that you are in the crap: shut up, stop what you are doing, and breathe. Slow the moment down by taking long, deep breaths. Give yourself time to take care of it. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” And get the answer (mad, sad, glad, or worried). Then ask, “What do I need to take care of myself right now internally?” Here’s one way to do that (look for the more fulfilling, provocative version in the future):

Go to a private area, even a bathroom stall or your car, and practice the *Stress Relief Breath (SRB): (1) Inhale all of the negative feeling (stress, worry, frustration) up into the throat, and (2) Let it go on the exhale with a long sigh (about three times longer than the inhale). Repeat until you feel a shift. Practice one now.

5. Introduce your crap to others… in advance. You teach others about how to be with you. Part of that teaching has to do with your not-so-incredibly-awesome side. Get vulnerable — it is the glue in all relationships — open up and share what you learned in Steps 1 and 2. When you own, understand, and support your crap others will be more open to do the same. If you have scars from your past, let your partner know how that might show up in your relationship. If you know that you tend to be short-tempered or have trust issues, put out a public safety announcement. And then…

6. Take ownership of your crap when it shows up. Even it if just shows up a little. The more accountability you have, the more likely you are to take care of it, especially during a conflict. If there are a 1000 people in the room watching and they agree that your part was 20 percent — still take ownership of that 20 percent.

7. Trust in the crap. Practice trusting in how life unfolds. Your crap is a powerful mirror for you. Look a little deeper when your crap comes up. Ask yourself: What is my lesson? Why was this challenge brought to me? How can I grow and persevere? Write down the answers.

Next post: Day One of my prison sentence

*Stress Relief Breath © 2011 No Stress Foundation

The Muppets Show Us That All NYC Needs Is A Little Tea And Music To Chill The F*@# Out
Living in New York City can take its toll. The non-stop hustle-and-bustle is stressful to say the least, but the Muppets know just what we need to chill out.

A cup of Lipton Tea, duh.

All it takes is one sip for the Harry Nilsson to start ringing in our ears, the world to look a little sunnier and the smiles to slowly return to our faces.

As far as viral ads go, we have to tip our hats to Lipton and The Muppets. We could watch hundreds of NYC Animals screaming at each other all day long.

But seriously, New Yorkers should all take one big collective gulp, and calm down.

Kermit knows it.

Miss Piggy knows it.

And now you know it too.

Gary Sinise Remains Inspired By His ‘Forrest Gump’ Character, Brings Wounded Veterans Joy
It’s a beautiful thing when actors are inspired by the roles they play.

It’s been 19 years since “Forrest Gump” took home the Academy Award for best picture, but actor Gary Sinise remains influenced by his character, Lieutenant Dan Taylor, who loses both his legs in the Vietnam War during the film.

Sinise made an effort to get involved with the military community after his role in the 1994 film, according to U-T San Diego. He started the Gary Sinise Foundation to honor veterans, first responders and their families.

Earlier this month, Sinise teamed up with American Airlines and Disney in order to provide 50 wounded veterans with an all-expenses paid trip to Disneyland and the Paramount Pictures studio in California, according to ABC News. During the three-day trip, the vets saw a screening of “Forrest Gump,” and had the chance to meet Tom Hanks and director Robert Zemeckis.

“After the injuries and all that, it feels like you can’t go out in the world anymore,” Staff Sgt. Michael Irish, one of the servicemen on the trip, told ABC News. “All you want to do is be in a dark room and just sleep it off … and now with Gary and his organization helping us … to have fun and be yourself, that’s very important to all of us.”

Sinise became emotional during the one of the events, according to the Orange County Register.

“Getting out of the hospital is part of their recovery,” he told the outlet. “Seeing them have a good time means a lot to me.”

The Relationship ‘Onion’

We’ve arrived at the “R” of our Core Assets – Relationships. Humans are social beings by nature. Forming good relationships is among the most difficult and most rewarding things you can do. Love, affection, companionship, friendship, and other variations on closeness are necessary for our well-being and touch us to our deepest core. Poets and scientists alike continue to search for the perfect way to describe or evoke the experience of love and connection. The jury may always be out on singular definitions, but one thing is sure: we need each other.

A very useful way to look at the structure of relationships in our lives is to think of an onion. It has many layers, just like the circles in which we associate. The inner core of our connections is comprised of our best friends, lovers, and immediate family. Most likely this is a haven for only five to ten people in your life. In this inner core you encounter your most significant emotional experiences.

Once you move out from the core, the middle layers of your onion represent a large percentage of the people you know. These aren’t your most important confidantes, but these are friends with whom you seek to spend a regular amount of quality time. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and other extended family members usually have middle-layer places in our lives.

You might envision the next outer layer as being made up of current and former colleagues. These are the people you work with or, if you are a student or teacher, the ones who share your academic environment.

Neighbors are another layer. You live nearby, and thus feel a common bond. You may help rake their yard on occasion, and they may share a meal from time to time.

After that come the communities through which you travel. These may include religious organizations, ethnic affinities, and special interest groups like a writers’ group or an investment club.

The outermost layer represents your acquaintances. It is tempting to believe that someone you see at the coffee shop once in a while is inconsequential, but even these simple, more distant relationships play roles in how you construct your sense of belonging. After all, an onion with only a core would be missing many of its subtle flavors. An onion with only an outer layer would be hollow. Sometimes the wise words of your best friend may feel like the only thing that matters. On another day a smile from the guy who is always working behind the counter at the hardware store might make all the difference.

The nature of relationship dynamics does a very good job of giving credence to the saying “the only thing constant is change.” No matter how much you may want some of them to stay exactly the same, your relationships are never static. Are all the relationships you had ten years ago exactly the same today? The chances of that being the case are rather low. By the same token, ten years from now you can expect friends and acquaintances to have again shifted significantly. You will lose touch with some people while others will move closer to becoming core connections.

Working through all layers of the onion today is the web of social networking. No discussion on contemporary relationships would be complete without it. The impact of Facebook, Twitter, and myriad other Internet and social media sites is nothing short of revolutionary. Texting also contributes to the prevalence of instantaneous communication at any time of day or night. The high ROI of being plugged in 24/7, which includes making and rediscovering friends, the exploration of ideas, and business networking, can be counteracted by problems like time consumption, privacy concerns, and ironically, decreased communication skills. Do we want to continue on a path that reduces the art of the love note to this?

OMG, gr8 2 c u last wk! I rly like u. C u agn irl?

idk, mayb 2mrrow?

I am not suggesting we turn back the clock on social networking, even if that were possible. You may land your next job or meet your next great love online. I do want to stress that no online chat or text-speak can take the place of face-to-face interaction and nuanced conversation. I focus on real-life relationship building in the next post.


Sanjay Jain is a US-trained Board Certified physician, with over 15 years of clinical experience. He is the author of the new book, OPTIMAL LIVING 360: Smart Decision Making for a Balanced Life (Greenleaf, February 2014). Sanjay represents a new wave of thought leadership and expertise developed not only from his medical and financial education, but also his life experiences. Follow Sanjay on Twitter at @sanjayjainmd and visit his website at SanjayJainMD.com.

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