Our makeover begins within us. We may think it’s the other person, but it’s not all on them.
Sure, we may pick people who have no intention of fulfilling any of our needs, but why do we choose them?
Or what if we’re choosing no one?
Is it fear? That’s one reason. it can stop us cold in our tracks based on past hurts and disappointment.
Perhaps, it’s our old limiting beliefs about what we actually believe is possible for us? We may not have awareness of how little we think we can have and how hard we think we must work to have a relationship.
How easy is it to change what’s going on inside, so the outside yields better results? It takes a bit of courage.
Making over our love lives starts with the following:
1. Commitment. It’s the act of committing to ourselves the promise that we’re ready for a real relationship. Most of us think we want one, until we’re confronted with someone who may truly be compatible with us; it’s then that all the little sabotaging demons come out to play! It’s better to communicate our neurosis rather than acting in off-putting ways toward the other person.
Check in and see what’s stewing inside when you decide to commit to the idea of having a healthy, committed relationship.
2. Rejection isn’t about us. It’s hard to understand when we’re the person who’s on the receiving end of rejection. When we really understand our true value, we don’t want to settle for less than someone who is truly into us. We don’t want to convince someone that we’re worthy of his or her love and companionship. Instead, it’s to accept ourselves as we are right now. It makes it far easier to handle that sometimes we’re not a match and in no way is it a statement about us as lovable human beings.
Look at every bit of yourself, especially the parts you want to hide. Let em’ loose and love them as much as you possible can, so somewhere out their your match can find you!
3. Smile and Be Open. Yes, this one is really that simple. How disconnected are some of us as we conduct our everyday lives? Out in a crowd are we looking down or away from the throngs of people? Are we checked out and in our private Idaho? Paying attention, being present and smiling like we mean it, is an instant reward. Most people smile back and we get that little boost of energy that someone has seen us and we feel connected.
Even if you’re shy, it never hurts to smile at all people and be open to the experience. Don’t judge, be skeptical or label it, otherwise you’re making it an excuse to close up. Stop yourself from over-thinking it and smile at everyone you see.
4. Getting clear on what we really want. When we know what the 3 or 4 basic non-negotiables are in a relationship, it’s an opportunity to look at ourselves and see if we’re giving those “non-negotiables” to ourselves? Sometimes, we have a list of what we want, but it’s not our list, it’s one we concocted based on what we’re supposed to want. So, if we place kindness on the list, are we being kind to others and ourselves? If not, what can we do today to change it up?
Spend some time really understanding what it is you require in a relationship emotionally.
Know if you need affection to feel good; kindness, communication, compassion, etc…and really look at your own ability to offer it to yourself.
As an example: Do you communicate with kindness clearly and freely? If not, what is stopping you? What fear is holding you back? What belief about your worthiness means you don’t speak kindly to you? Now start to change that dialogue today, get closer to what you want to attract by being those characteristics too.
This is a starter list, if you want more tips, stay tuned!
Photo Credit: Tracy Crossley